No one here gets out alive.
— Jim Morrison
(and everybody else)
It felt so good being able to check in with Claire after a job. It's easier to get a proper perspective by bouncing ideas off someone you trust.
She was my first call after the Third Reich roundup in Austin.
"Hey, Claire!"
"Shay, how ya' doin'?"
"Oh, not bad."
"Where are you?"
"I'm at a Holiday Inn, in Texas. It's no holiday though. I can't wait to get out of here."
"Oh?"
"I spent the afternoon in a parking lot. The AC in my van crapped out, and the cops arrested a couple of my guys."
"A couple?"
"I think four."
"How many guys did you have?"
"I had four."
"Oh, Shay. One of these days, you're gonna get burned."
"I'm not worried about it. It wasn't my van, and those baldies thought I was a dude named Wolf who just so happens to have a little mustache. Don't dwell on that last part."
"Ohhh kaaay... Wow... So, how's the weather?"
"Too hot for boots and a trench coat. New subject. What's new with you?"
"Nothing I say can compare to that."
"Seriously, Claire, what's going on in your world?"
"Not much. I'm finally learning to cook. My grocery lists are real these days."
"So, you're going straight?"
"I'm just working on my long term plan."
"Which is?"
"Living a happy and fulfilled life."
"Huh."
"What?"
"I can still talk through ideas with you though, right?"
"Absolutely, Shay!"
"Good!"
"Got any ideas you want to talk about?"
"Well, I'm thinking about what I might do after the valet parking thing runs its course. My next move might be to start up a dating service. I'm thinking about calling it BABIO. The dating service would be real, and free, but I'd use the sign up list to hunt for quality marks."
"Babio?"
"Be Anonymous, By Invitation Only."
"Oh, yeah, that's the Shayna I know."
"Yeah, I thought you'd like that one. Anyway, it's an idea I'm working on. What about you? Got anything good in the works?"
"Oh, not really. My garden's coming along. It's just getting started, but I'm already thinking about planting flowers so it'll be pretty next year. Maybe some Forget-Me-Nots. And some lilacs. It's always good to add some color."
"You're really settling in there, huh?"
"Playing the long game, Shay."
"What does that mean though?"
"Life is the real long game. So, you have to ask yourself, 'What am I doing this for? What kind of life do I want to live?'"
"I don't think about that stuff."
"Maybe you should. You know the old saying about life... nobody makes it out alive. I guess that makes living the only game that matters."
"Maybe I'll think about it, once I've got enough."
"How much do you need?"
"I don't know. Is there ever enough?"
"Enough is when your heart is full."
"Damn, Claire. That's..."
"Deep?"
"Yeah."
I was gonna say lame.
"Shay, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh? What's that?"
"Would it bother you if I got a job at The Shady Lady Exchange? I know you used to work there. They seem cool. I figure, a couple days a week there, a few nights at The Bitter End... It adds up."
"That's fine, but don't mention me. They don't know me as Shay, okay? That's sort of where the name comes from."
"Yeah, I figured. You never told me how you started working there. Come to think of it, you never said how you started any of this."
"It's a long story."
"I've got time."
"Really?"
"Pour yourself a drink or two. I'm about to throw a pie in the oven. It's gonna take an hour, plus at least another hour to cool before I can put it in the fridge. So yeah, I've got time. Tell me the story."
I told her about how I grew up in Tonawa.
I told her about the day I handed Linda a pie, and why the shock of seeing a young-ish woman in a grandma house scared the hell out of me. And how it made me worry I'd end up like her if I stayed in that tiny town.
Claire told me about planting a seed. Killing a weed. Tilling soil, sowing something... It was so great to hear her voice.
I told her about when I sent a burglar down the stairs at the Boxtan Inn, and how that got me my first connections. I told her about how almost getting killed by Boogie changed me, and how I found my confidence again.
She told me something about Ralph Walker Emerson, I think? It was a quote. "Every end is a beginning." She really was starting over.
I told her about Doug, and how he tried to slip roofies into my drink. How he treats women like they're nothing.
I told her how the fear of having nothing and being nothing was what got me headed down this path.
This road.
Sometimes, I wished it was a train track.
Claire once said, "Trains are on rails, Shay. They can't get lost."
I didn't think I was lost, but I didn't know where I was going.
That same day, she said, "It's time to bring this train into the station."
I know she didn't mean it as a deep thought, but maybe there was wisdom in it.
I still had so much in the works though.
After giving Foke his cut and paying for expenses, I was closing in on four million dollars worth of Bitcoin. I thought about trying to double it in another year. Or if I really ramped up, maybe I could hit ten? I told myself, "Maybe that could be the endgame." But then what?
I bet Claire would have said, "And then life."
Editor's Note:
"Every end is a beginning" is part of a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. It appears in his essay Circles. The full quote is, "There is no end in nature, but every end is a beginning." This reflects a cyclical philosophy where endings are not final, but rather transitions to new phases.
"No one here gets out alive" is a line from Five to One, by The Doors, written by Jim Morrison.