The house is haunted.
— Boo
I hired Abbie to create two Bitcoin events per month. I'd like to say I gave her creative freedom, but the truth is, I did not care. I just needed her to round up marks without knowing she was part of a scam.
Holy hell, she took the ball and ran with it.
In early May, when I wrapped things up in Miami, I flew back to Indiana for her next event. She greeted me with a ridiculous smile that was even bigger than usual.
"What's up, Abbie?"
"This!!! Squee!!!"
Honest to God, she squeed as she handed me a flier that said:
BLOCK PARTY!
A decentralized dating network, by Bitcoiners, for Bitcoiners. Connect with women who respect your worldview. Meetups & minglers. No pressure. Just fun!
I almost got seasick while watching her bounce up and down as she explained her idea. "I've been pitching it two ways. For guys, it's a way to meet women who like Bitcoin. For women, it's a way to meet husband material. Y'know. Guys with money, but I don't say that. Girls know, though."
I was stunned.
"Abbie, I love this!"
"I knew you would!" she said. "I'm an influencer! Influencing is, like, my whole thing!"
Her previous Bitcoin meetups were averaging 15 guys, but she doubled the number of marks when she turned her events into a meat market. She was reeling in quality marks too. Lots of them owned at least half a coin, and those rubes gladly took selfies with Abbie and her bouncy boobs.
After each event, I had her show me the selfies she took, "For a recap," and she'd tell me which ones had been into Bitcoin the longest. I made sure their homes got hit first.
I know what I just said violates my "Always film, never digital" rule, but her Instagram feed became a digital goldmine. Marks flocked to her, and I found their coins. It was a match made in Hellen.
And, finally, I'd celebrate a job well done by slipping into Doug's house while he was at work, to mess with him. I'd change the volume on the TV so it'd be crazy loud the next time he turned it on. I'd flip the roll of toilet paper because people are so sensitive about whether the end faces in or out. I'd leave one dresser drawer open by half an inch. Always a different one.
What can I say? A girl needs a hobby.
When I was out of there, I'd get drunk and call Claire.
"HAHAHA!!! I bet he thinks the house is haunted! And it is!!! I'm a ghost!"
Good times.