One glance at a book
and you hear the voice
of another person.
A book is proof that humanity
is capable of working magic.
― Carl Sagan
I was in my workshop, in the basement. Claire was in the hot tub with a mark.
She sent a text that said, "Sesame bagel, no jam," but it was bullshit. The mark's name was Charles Raimussen. We'd spotted him a week earlier at a Bitcoin ATM, and it was easy to tell he was buying, not selling, because he was putting cash in, not taking cash out. Bro had coin.
I texted Claire back to say "Butterscotch."
As soon as she wrapped things up with him in the hot tub, she came downstairs, for a chat. And she was pissed.
I was too.
"Sesame, Claire? Is that supposed to mean something?"
"It means 'Says me.' I'm telling you he's off limits. Let him keep his fuckin' coin. He's a good guy."
"How do you know he's a good guy?"
"He's buying Bitcoin for when his ex-girlfriend's son turns 18."
"So he feels guilty because he knocked her up and bailed?"
"No. He feels guilty because some asshole blew a red light and T-boned his car while he was behind the wheel. He survived but she died. It happened three years ago and he's still shattered because of it. And, by the way, he's buying Bitcoin so her son can have a college fund. The kid isn't even his. He's just trying to do something kind, so back off."
"Just because he's gone through some ugly shit doesn't mean..."
"Stop right there."
"What?"
"Y'know how most guys show up with a bottle of booze because they're hoping to get laid? This guy brought a book called The Demon Haunted World by Carl fuckin' Sagan because I pretended to be interested in science and philosophy. He's a good guy."
"Demon Haunted World? That's dark, Claire."
"No, Shay. It's a book on critical thinking. Charlie's a grad student at University of Chicago. He's getting a doctorate in... space, time, continuum? I don't know. He talks too fast when he gets excited, but he's a good guy, and he's trying to help a kid that's not even his."
"If he doesn't know how to keep his seed words safe, that's not my fault."
"Back the fuck off. He's not a mark. We go after bad guys. If you're now going after good guys, you better be ready to go after me, because bitch, I will level you."
"Jesus, Claire. Calm down. Message received. He's off limits."
"It's not about limits. It's about karma. You joked once about making the world a better place by making sure bad guys get got. I'm on board with that. You know I am. But you and me? We are not the same. You act like you're vicious while you sit in the basement, copying keys, but I'm the one who sits face to face with these guys knowing they're gonna get wrecked. I look 'em in the eye. I do it with a smile. That's vicious, Shay, and I enjoy it. I'm good with being an asshole's comeuppance."
"Come a what?"
"Comeuppance. It means punishment, like when somebody gets served the fate they deserve."
"Fancy word."
"It's a great word. I enjoy being an asshole's comeuppance, but I'm not taking down a good guy. I want no fuckin' part of that."
"Are you sure he's a good guy?"
"Girl, I do more than just charm these guys. I vet them. I make sure they deserve what we do. We've got rules, remember? Bad guys get got. Good guys do not."
"Did we make that an official rule?"
"SHAYNA."
"Okay, okay. Goddamn."
"You know I'm right."
"I know you get bitchy when you're mad."
"That's because I'm a bitch, just like you."
"I'm not gonna argue that, Claire."
"I didn't think you would."
"Are you actually gonna read that book?"
"You bet I am, and not to impress anybody. Let me tell you something. Too many women pretend to be dumb so men can feel smart. I'm done with that. Claire Jenkins has a brain and I'm feeding it."
"I still think Demon Haunted World sounds pretty goddamn dark."
"It's a dark world, Shay. And comeuppance is real. My fist is real too, so back the fuck off. Don't make me say it again. Sesame bagel. No jam."
"Shouldn't it be, Bagel Sesame?"
"That's not a thing."
I sometimes wondered if that chick had a thing. Claire could be such a dick. I let her feel like she won the argument because it was the only way to shut her up, but it was my own fault for talking to her about the mark in the first place. She knew her job. I knew mine.
I was still pissed though.
I thought about paying her in Bitcoin when our year was up, just so I could empty her wallet to teach her a lesson, but that's the kind of comeuppance she'd expect.
Or would she?
Editor's Note:
The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark, is a book by Carl Sagan, about critical thinking, skepticism, and distinguishing truth from deception. The "demons" are superstitions, pseudoscience, and manipulative thinking. The book was first published in 1995.