Ain't no demons like inner demons.
— Blaaaooohhhrrrrgh
I was shaken. I was driving.
I had nowhere to go, but I just kept going. And going. Before I realized it, I was on Route 30, passing through Valparaiso. Tonawa wasn't far.
I wondered if Billy was working the bar at The Brass Buckle. I wondered if he'd recognize me. I'd been gone for three years. Had it really been that long?
It was nine o'clock by the time I got there. I heard his voice as soon as I walked through the door.
"Dandy! Holy shit. Look at you."
"Hey, Billy, I was wondering if you'd be here."
"Of course I'm here. I'm always here. Take a seat. What can I get ya'?"
"Gimme a whiskey sour, but make it with the Jim Beam, okay?"
"Devil's Cut?"
"Yeah."
It seemed appropriate because I was in a sour mood, but as I watched him pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice, I couldn't help thinking it hit a little too close to home.
"Billy, remember the night I was working here, when Butch set Mary Jane's house on fire?"
"Mary Jane? Wow, yeah, I remember. Butch is in prison for murder. Everybody remembers that."
"Why did everybody think I did it?"
"Nobody thought you set that fire, Dandy."
"Then why'd everybody act weird around me, like they couldn't even look at me?"
"Oh."
"Oh, what?"
"You mean, you don't know?"
"Jesus, Billy. Just say it."
"Look, you did a great thing, getting her son out of there. You probably saved his life."
"I did save his life!"
"But you didn't wake up Mary Jane. People assumed you were pissed at her or something, because you left her there."
"I did not!!!"
"I'm just telling you what people thought."
"She was already dead, so I got her kid out."
"No, she wasn't. She was still alive when firefighters got there. They got her out, but she died on the way to the hospital."
"I swear to God, I thought she was dead."
"She wasn't. She'd been drinking that night. She was sleeping it off."
"Fuck. Townies must think I'm a monster."
"Dandy, you were a handful."
"I fucking hated this town."
"Yeah, you did, and you never missed a chance to tell everybody. I know you had it rough growing up, but Tonawa's a great place to live. It's quiet. It's safe. Good people too."
That was debatable. Especially the last part. As I looked around the bar, I spotted faces I recognized, but nobody I cared to see.
"Billy, does Linda still live in the house behind Tona Pizza? Linda Goodman?"
"No, she left over a year ago."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. Somebody was stalking her. She was getting threatening postcards from all over the place. The police looked into it, but they couldn't figure out why it was happening."
"Threatening postcards?"
"Hundreds of them, and they were coming from all over the world. Every single one said the same thing. 'I know where you live. Get out.'"
"Holy shit!"
"It was really bad, and it went on for a long time. Eventually, she left. She moved in with her aunt, in Keensburg."
"Where the fuck is that?"
"It's a little town in the middle of nowhere, an hour or so from Evansville. It's sad, too, 'cause Linda owns her house here. No mortgage or anything. I'm taking care of it for now."
"You are?"
"Yeah. Right before she left, Linda dropped off a scarf she knitted for my mom, and John was here. He's a good guy, but you know how he gets when he's drunk. He needed a place to sleep it off. Linda said he could spend the night at her house. She gave me the keys, but she never came back to pick 'em up. When I got in touch, she said she wasn't coming back anytime soon, so I could rent the place out if I wanted to. That's what I do, at least for now, just to pay the bills. I have the place set up kind of like a bed & breakfast. It's such a nice old house. Good bones, y'know?"
"Oh, so it's your love shack now?"
"I meant the house has great details, Dandy. I'm married. Wife's got a baby on the way too. I'm gonna be a dad. I've already started buying baby stuff. It's adorable."
Adorable?
Billy Jaworski was a family man? And uses words like Adorable?
"Where'd you find this woman, Billy?"
"She found me. She came in one night with some friends. She was sittin' right where you are now. The more she talked, the more I hoped she'd keep on talking. We're coming up on our second anniversary soon. It's really great."
"Y'know what would be great? Another drink."
"That's your third. I can't keep serving if you're driving. Need a place to spend the night?" And I thought, "Here it comes. Once a dog, always a dog, eh?"
He said, "I'll give you the keys to Linda's place. You can drop 'em off here, tomorrow. Give 'em to whoever's working the bar. Should be Joe. We open at 11, but no rush. Anytime's fine."
"For a second there, I thought you were makin' a move."
"Oh, Dandy. I'm not kidding. I'm in love. It's not a puppy-dog love kind of thing, either. When I go home at night, I smile if the light's on because it means Georgie's still up."
"Georgie?!?"
"Georgette. Until I met her, I didn't really know the difference between a house and a home. Let me tell you. That difference? It's everything. It's what you need."
I told him he was wrong, but we both knew I was lying.
I said, "Right now, the only thing I need is another drink."
We both knew I was wrong about that, too.
After a few more whiskey sours at The Buckle, I stumbled over to Linda's house. I was tempted to break in, for old times' sake. Using the keys felt like cheating since I didn't need a scam to get 'em.
I went through Linda's mailbox, just out of curiosity. It was stuffed, mostly with junk, but there was a postcard, from Lima, Peru. It said, "I know where you live. Get out," and nothing more.
Goddamn. I tried to do something nice and holy hell did it backfire. I'm even bad when I try to be good.
This whole night was turning out to be one big disaster.
I got Boogie and a mark killed, and I ended up back in Tonawa, sleeping in Linda's house. Everybody thinks I left Mary Jane to die in the fire. Can you imagine what they'd think if they knew I was the reason Linda left? It wasn't even a prank. I was trying to do something kind.
"The postcards should have had a fucking poem!!!"
God, people are the WORST.
"ASSHOLES!!! EVERY ONE OF 'EM!!!"
And I might be worse than them!
"EVERY FUCKING ONE OF 'EM!!!"
I had Steve killed a few years ago, so I could rob him without consequences. I took a man's life for ninety grand. And I used the money to buy his house. I even sold his car.
"OH THAT'S BAD!!!"
Steve. Then Boogie and the dead mark. I know those last two weren't exactly my fault, but still... I caused it.
"FUCK!!!!!"
Do it once? It's a thing you did. Do it twice...
"DO I REMEMBER WHERE THE BATHROOM IS???"
Uh oh.
"Oh, whoa. The house is spinning..."
Oh no.
"Uuuuhhhrrrgaaahhhd."
Ain't no demons like inner demons.
"Everybody out!!!"
Aaaaand, release...
"Blaaaooohhhrrrrgh."