Stupid names
are stupid.
— Hell
So far, The B was a bust. I met up with Dez the next day, to tell her what I'd found. Mostly.
"I don't get it. He flaunts money like he's loaded, but maybe it's just for show. There's nothing worth taking in his house."
She said, "Y'know what? I didn't feel right about this anyway. Look, I know what people think when they see me, but what I do is honest. This shit's not. Hell, I'm glad it's off."
I could never tell if somebody was saying "Hell," like Hellen or eternity, or... oh, to Hell with it. I was ready to be done being Hellen. It's a stupid name.
"I respect that, Dez, but listen. If you ever have a John who's rich and you wanna make him pay, hit me up, yeah?"
"Hell, sure. Thanks."
Such a stupid name.
That was the last time I talked with Dez, but I wasn't giving up on The B.
Two nights later, there was a concert at The Crimson Ace. I knew he'd be working the show, so that's when I went back to his house. I was sure I could find the second key to his safe. It had to be there, somewhere.
Everything looked the same, but the scene felt even more wrong.
He drove an SUV. Maybe he bought it used. Maybe it was a lease. Fine. He had a nice house. Maybe he inherited it. Fine. But he made good money and he made sure people knew.
"Come on, B. Where is it?" I needed to know.
I had one of the two keys to his safe, so I knew what I was looking for.
I made sure I didn't disturb anything while I searched the house from top to bottom.
"It's here," I thought. "I can feel it."
And then, I remembered, "Oh, Hell! He's a guy!"
I asked myself, "Where's the dumbest place an overconfident asshole would hide a key?" And the answer was obvious.
"Oh my God. It's under the throw rug, under the safe."
And of course it was. Guys are idiots.
One key. Two keys. I turned 'em both, and...
"Hell... ohhh!?"
I was in.
It was empty.
Whadahell?
"I knew this guy was a poser!!!"
Then, I thought, "Maybe it has a false back or something?"
The safe was nearly two feet high and a foot and a half deep. Heavy as Hell, too. The top, bottom, back and sides were all solid. No false anything. "Fuck!"
The only thing I found in the safe was a sticky note with a bunch of nonsense.
"north umbrella fat pizza satoshi order fire casual switch lead LEAF prepare yellow"
Whadawhut?
I couldn't tell how long it had been in the safe. Maybe a few years? The sticky part wasn't very sticky anymore.
Twelve words, but the word Lead was scratched out and replaced with LEAF. Did it mean something?
"And what the Hell is satoshi?"
I took a picture of the sticky note with my Polaroid before putting it back in the safe. I didn't know what the Hell it was, but it must have been important. It was the only thing The B bothered to lock up. I didn't want him to know I'd seen it.
I made sure everything in his home was put back exactly how it was when I arrived, as if I'd never been there.
I put the key back under the rug. I turned around the safe. And I got the Hell out.
(Such a stupid name.)