Stupid names
are stupid.
— Hell
So far, The B was a bust. I met up with Dez the next day, to tell her what I'd found. Mostly.
"I don't get it. He flaunts money like he's loaded, but I think it's just for show. There's nothing worth taking in his house."
"Hell, whatever. This shit isn't for me anyway. He was cool when we hung out. I'm glad it's off."
I could never tell if somebody was saying, "Hell," like Hellen, or eternity, or... oh, to hell with it. I'm ready to be done being Hellen. It's a stupid name.
"OK Dez, but listen. If you ever have a John who's loaded and you wanna make him really pay, hit me up, yeah?"
"Hell yeah, thanks."
Such a stupid name.
Two nights later, there was a concert at The Crimson. I knew The B would be there, so I went back to his house. I was sure I could find the second key to his safe.
Everything looked the same, but the scene felt even more wrong. He drove an SUV. Maybe used. Maybe a lease. Fine. He had a nice house. Maybe he inherited it. Fine. But he made money and he made sure people knew.
"Come on, B. Where is it?" I needed to know.
I had one of the two keys to his safe, so I knew what I was looking for.
I made sure I didn't disturb anything while I searched, but I searched that house from top to bottom.
"It's here. I can feel it."
And then, I remembered, "Oh, Hell! He's a guy!"
I asked myself, "Where's the dumbest place an overconfident asshole would hide a key?"
Oh my God.
"It's under the throw rug, under the safe." Unbelievable.
Got it. Guys are idiots.
One key. Two keys. Turned 'em both.
"Hell... ohhh!"
I was in.
It was empty.
Whadahell?
"I knew this guy was a poser!!!" Wait. "Maybe it has a false back or something?"
The safe was nearly three feet high and two feet deep. Top, bottom, back and sides. All solid. No falsity falseness. "Fuck!"
The only thing I found was a sticky note with a bunch of nonsense.
The note had twelve words, written in two columns, not across like a sentence.
|
|
north umbrella fat pizza satoshi order |
fire casual switch lead LEAF prepare yellow |
Whadawhut?
I couldn't tell how long it had been in the safe, but the sticky part wasn't very sticky anymore. Maybe a few years?
The word Lead had been scratched out and replaced with LEAF in all caps. Why? Did it mean something?
"And what the Hell is satoshi?"
I used my Polaroid to take a picture of the sticky note, and I put it back. I didn't know what the hell it was, but it must have been important to The B, so I didn't want him to know I'd seen it.
I put the key back under the rug, and I turned around the safe.
Everything went back to exactly how it was, like I'd never been there, and I got the Hell out.
(Such a stupid name.)