No one here gets out alive.
— Jim Morrison
(and everybody else)
It felt so good being able to check in with Claire after a job. It's easier to get a proper perspective by bouncing ideas off someone you trust.
She was my first call after the Third Reich roundup went awry in Austin. And speaking of that, I picked up a bottle of Rye to celebrate getting out of that mess clean. Meh. I should've bought bourbon.
"Hey, Claire!"
"Shay, how ya' doin'?"
"Oh, not bad."
"Where are you?"
"I'm at a Holiday Inn, in Texas. It's no holiday though. I can't wait to get out of here."
"Oh?"
"I spent the afternoon in a parking lot. The AC in my van crapped out, and the cops arrested a couple of my guys."
"A couple?"
"I think four."
"How many guys did you have?"
"I had four."
"Oh, Shay. One of these days, you're gonna get burned."
"I'm not worried. It wasn't my van, and those baldies thought I was a short dude named Wolf who just so happens to have a little mustache. Don't dwell on that last part."
"Ohhh kaaay... Wow... So, how's the weather?"
"Too hot for boots and a trench coat. New subject. What's new with you?"
"Nothing I say can compare to that."
"Seriously, Claire, what's going on in your world?"
"Not much. I'm finally learning to cook. My grocery lists are real these days."
"So, you're going straight?"
"I'm just working on my long term plan."
"Which is?"
"Living, Shay."
"Huh."
"What?"
"I can still talk through ideas with you though, right?"
"Absolutely!"
"Good!"
"Got any ideas you want to talk about?"
"Well, I'm thinking about what I might do after the valet parking thing runs its course. My next move might be to start up a dating service. I'm thinking about calling it BABIO. The dating service would be real, and free, but I'd use the sign up list to hunt marks."
"Babio?"
"Bitcoiners Anonymous, By Invitation Only."
"Oh, yeah, that's the Shay I know."
"Yeah, I thought you'd get a kick out of that. Marks won't realize it's a setup if they have to work to get in, y'know? It's just an idea. I haven't figured out how to do it yet, but I'm working on it. What about you? Got anything good in the works?"
"I guess, but it's a different kind of good. My garden's coming along. It's just getting started, but I'm already thinking about planting flowers so it'll be pretty next year. Maybe some mums and forget-me-nots. Ooh, and violets. Want to make things bright? Violets get the job done."
"You're really settling in there, huh?"
"Playing the long game, Shay."
"What does that mean though?"
"Life is the real long game. Right? You have to ask yourself, 'What am I doing this for? What kind of life do I want to live?'"
"I don't think about that stuff."
"Maybe you should. You know the old saying about life... nobody makes it out alive. I guess that makes living the only game that matters."
"Maybe I'll think about it, once I've got enough."
"How much do you need?"
"I don't know. Is there ever enough?"
"Enough is when your heart is full."
"Damn, Claire. That's..."
"Deep?"
"Yeah."
I was gonna say lame, because I didn't buy it.
"Shay, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh? What's that?"
"Would it bother you if I got a job at The Shady Lady Exchange? I know you used to work there. They seem cool. I figure, a couple days there, a few nights at The Bitter End... It adds up."
"No problem, but don't mention me, okay? They don't know me as Shay. That's sort of where the name comes from."
"Yeah, I figured. You never told me how you started working there. Come to think of it, you never said how you started any of this."
"It's a long story."
"I've got time."
"Really?"
"Pour yourself a drink or two. I'm about to throw a pie in the oven. It's gonna take an hour, plus at least another to cool before I can put it in the fridge. So yeah, I got time. Tell me the story."
I'd never told anyone about my life before. Once I started, I didn't know how to stop. It felt amazing to let it all out. Well... some of it.
I told her about how I grew up in Tonawa.
I told her about the day I handed Linda a pie, and why the shock of seeing a young woman in an old lady house scared the hell out of me. And how it made me worry I'd end up like her if I stayed in that tiny town.
Claire told me about planting a seed. Killing a weed. Tilling soil, sowing something... She'd gone so straight, but it was still great to hear her voice.
She told me a secret too. She told me about the guy she was with, before she met me. The guy who got arrested on a gun charge, and he got her mixed up in it by trying to hide his gun in her purse. When he went to prison, she started writing to one of the other guys in his cell block. She let that guy know her ex used to beat her. He made sure her ex never made it out of prison. That's vicious. And sneaky! I was impressed.
I topped her when I told her about the time I sent a burglar down the stairs at the Boxtan Inn and tied him up with a hose until the owner's henchmen arrived and ended him. I told her how I watched as he was executed, and how that got me the connection I used to sell Bitcoin. It's how I eventually met Foke.
She told me something about Ralph Walker Emerson. I think that's his name. It was a quote. "Every end is a beginning." Claire really was starting over.
I told her about the time I almost got killed by Boogie. How it changed me, and how I found my confidence again.
I told her about Doug, and how he tried to lace my drink so he could date rape me. And how he treats women like they're nothing.
I told her how the fear of having nothing and being nothing was what got me headed down this path.
This road.
Sometimes, I wished it was a train track.
Claire once said, "Trains are on rails, Shay. They can't get lost."
I didn't think I was lost, but I didn't know where I was going.
That same day, she said, "It's time to bring this train into the station."
I know she didn't mean it as a deep thought, but maybe there was wisdom in it. Maybe it was time to start thinking about how to wrap all of this up.
I still had so much in the works though.
After giving Foke his cut, I had a million bucks in various bank accounts, plus maybe another three million in Bitcoin. That's a lot, but I'd have so much more if I didn't have to hire so many people and travel so much. Expenses were piling up.
Still, it was a lot of money.
"Maybe I could double it in another year. Or, if I really ramped up, maybe I could hit five million cash? Plus ten in Bitcoin? Maybe that could be the endgame?" That was just me, thinking out loud.
What I always had trouble thinking about was... "Then what?"
I bet Claire would have said, "And then life."
It'd be a hell of a life.
Editor's Note:
"Every end is a beginning" is part of a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. It appears in his essay Circles. The full quote is, "There is no end in nature, but every end is a beginning." This reflects a cyclical philosophy where endings are not final, but rather transitions to new phases.
"No one here gets out alive" is a line from Five to One, by The Doors, written by Jim Morrison.