What, now you're robbing me?
— Not A Victim
I caught my first shoplifter at The Shady Lady Exchange in early spring, 2019. I'd been working there for a while. I had a good feel for the customers and knew when somebody seemed fishy.
It was the kind of early spring day where the sun seems like it's shining extra bright.
A girl came in. Red hair, freckles. I recognized her because she was wearing a dress we'd sold her a few days before.
She asked to see an emerald ring in the display case. The ring itself was very simple. It had a plain gold band with a green jewel, but being simple made it stand out more. The emerald wasn't real though, but it looked real, so we priced it higher than a fake, to make it look like we thought it might be real.
Freckles thought it was real.
She came back later, to see it again. Something seemed off, so I came around from behind the glass case when I handed it to her, to make sure I was between her and the door.
She cradled the ring in her right hand, taking it out of my sight for less than a second. Then she handed it back, and put her left hand in her pocket.
Oh, fuck that!
As she turned to walk away, I stuck my foot out, and swept her leg. She went down hard, landing flat on the floor.
I sat on her back and said, "Now give me the real one, bitch."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she lied. "Get off me!"
"I'm gonna start counting. Give it back before I get to three."
"Or what?"
"Or very bad stuff happens."
I took a fistful of her hair and pulled it hard enough to lift her head off the floor as I said, "One."
She pulled her left hand out of her pocket. When I reached two, she uncurled her fingers, and there was the original ring. I grabbed it and climbed off of her.
"Holy fuck. You just tried to pull a double-French-Drop. Thought you'd swap our nice ring for your piece of crap? I swear to God, if you ever try to rob The Shady Lady again, I'll kick your ass. But I gotta say, I respect your skills."
"Yeah well, fuck you," she said. "Gimme back the other ring."
"Oh, no. You just tried to rob us. You're not getting that back. It's trash anyway."
"What, now you're robbing me?"
"That's exactly what I'm doing, in exchange for not beating you senseless or tying you up so I can call the cops. Now get out."
I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what she'd done.
The French Drop is the trick where you show you've got a coin in your right hand. Then you secretly let it drop into your left hand. It's a basic trick that works because you make a big whoopdee fuckindoo gesture, so people keep their eyes on your right hand, convinced the coin is there even though it's already in your left. Then you open your right hand, to show 'em it's gone.
But this bitch brought a dupe. She hid a phony ring in her right hand. Then she took the real ring with her right hand and dropped it into her left, so when she opened her right hand, she could hand me back the phony, hoping I'd think it was the same ring I handed her.
What do you even call that trick? The double drop? It's not a Dupe-Drop, since the dupe is the one she didn't drop. The dupe N' Drop?
Dumpy dope tried to pull a Dupe N' Drop!!!
On my watch?
Don't think so, dumbass!
Still, I have to admit, that trick was new to me, and it almost worked.