Live Free Or Die
— New Hampshire Motto
"Claire! Hey, wow. Nice of you to visit!"
"Hh... ah, oops. Hang on, Shay. OK, that's better. I hate this plexiglass prison-phone setup. Friggin' twisted cord. I got it now. So, hey! Hi!"
"Yeah, hi!!! Surprised to see you!"
"It's time."
"Well, good! I'm glad, Claire!!! Haven't heard from you since I got arrested. Figured you were pissed."
"I was. You scared the shit out of me when you broke into my apartment."
"Sorry. You knew it was me?"
"Giiirl. Even if I didn't know who left lipstick on the mirror... you scribbled out part of a poem in my diary and wrote your own ending. Of course I knew it was you."
"That was a little over the top I guess."
"Ya think?!?"
"OK, yeah. Sorry, yeah. God, I'm so glad you're here!!! It's good to see ya!"
"It's good to see you too, Shay. It's time."
"Oh, I know about time. I've been doing two years on the gun charge."
"You're lucky they let you plead down. Jesus."
"Nah. The gun was self defense."
"Shay."
"It was his!"
"If he came out of that coma, you'd be doing hard time, girl. Like, decades."
"HE drugged the cops, Claire. Not me."
"Shay."
"He made them coffee. I couldn'ta planned that."
"Giiiiiiiiiirl."
"Woulda if I coulda, but I didn't. Four cops down. His fault. He's dead too, and I got two years for holding him at gunpoint. I shoulda got a fucking medal."
"Oof."
"Yeah, well. It's almost over. I'm getting out tomorrow."
"That's what I hear."
"Can't fucking wait."
"Was prison as bad as you thought it'd be?"
"Honestly? Thought it'd be worse."
"Maybe the worst is yet to come."
"Damn, Claire. Thought you were the optimist."
"I am."
"OK, whatever. So listen, I was thinking about getting things going again. Wanna join me? It'll be fun!"
"I'm ready to go."
"Yeah?"
"Ready to go. More than you know."
"Awesome."
"Do you remember when we were first getting started, Shay?"
"You feeling nostalgic?"
"Kinda. Remember when you told me to get used to my new name? And figure out who she is?"
"Yeah."
"You told me to find Clarity. Well, it took too long, but I finally did."
"OK, well, good, right?"
"I still have the New Hampshire quarter you gave me. Live Free Or Die."
"Live free or die. Hell yeah. Glad I'm getting out tomorrow. Live free!"
"Or the other thing."
"What?"
"We'll get to it."
"Can't wait!"
"I can't either. And hey, guess what, Shay? I come bearing presents! That's why I'm here."
"Yeah?"
"You bet! I've got two presents and a joke. The joke's really good. It's not a Haha joke. It's more like a Whoahoa, but it's REALLY good. I'll show you the presents first. The guards'll give 'em to you, right?"
"After they check 'em, yeah. But you didn't have to get me anything, Claire."
"Oh, but I did. Really, I did. I got ya... Maxi-Pads."
"You got me Maxi-Pads?"
"And a book."
"A book? I mean, thanks, but you're the reader. Not me."
"You'll read this one, Shay."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. It's a novel. It opens with a great quote about destiny, from Ralph Waldo Emerson: 'The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.'"
"I think I said that."
"You did. But he said it first. And better."
"Whatever."
"Anyway, the title of the novel is 'Five Dollar Wrench.'"
"Holy shit. Did I ever tell you what that used to mean? Hahaha!!!"
"That's what it still means."
"What do you mean?"
"That's what the story's about. Thievin'. Wrenchin'. Droppin'. And worse. And the best part is, you're in it."
"I'm in it?"
"You wrote it."
"The fuck does that mean?"
"The novel's published under a pen name. An alias. I know you know it. H. E. Tobe."
"Who the hell is H. E. Tobe? Wait. TOBE?"
"Hellen Eleanore Tobe. I got it off your old fake ID."
"You didn't! What the hell?"
"It's the story of a thief who recruits a prostitute to help her pull off the ultimate magic trick. And the story is told by the thief."
"You wrote a book?"
"Everybody thinks you wrote a book."
"What the fuck. That was reckless, using my alias. It's a good thing Foke doesn't know I was Hellen."
"All of your aliases are in the book. Hellen Tobe, Phoebe Delgado, Shayna Dempsey... Hose."
"HOSE?"
"Nono knows Hose got Jojo killed."
"YOU FUCKING TOLD HIM???"
"He thinks you told everyone, when you wrote the story. I gave him a copy with sticky notes to bookmark a few things, like the part about his brother."
"You gave Nono...? If you wrote... If he thinks I wrote..."
"Foke's dead. Beanie's dead. Deader than dead. I'm pretty sure their last words were, 'No, NO!'"
"Beanie???"
"She was the new you, and Nono's furious. He's cleaning house. Blood's flowin' from meat mowin'."
"Oh, Beanie. Wait. So, how are you... not..."
"Dead? Deader than dead? How am I not so very dead, as in, No NO, then thud, splatter, smoosh, and a stain on a hardwood floor that'll need a bigass rug to cover up, kinda like the one in your house? Is that what you're asking?"
"Claire?"
"I gave Nono the book. I said he deserved to know the truth about how his brother died, and he thanked me. Actually, he said, 'STAY.' And then he left. Then I heard some truly gruesome things coming from another room at The Boxtan Inn, before he returned and said, 'GOOD.' Also, I may have told him my name was Sofia. And, hey, your two year prison sentence ends tomorrow. It's over. Guess what happens."
"...Claire???"
"No, no. Guess again."
"CLAIRE!!!!!!???"
"How long do you think Steve was out of the hospital, before he got Steved? I know you remember what happened to him."
"How? How? HOW??? How could you know about Steve???"
"You brag when you're drunk. And you kept pictures, notes, keys, and everything else, locked in your file cabinet."
"You told me to!!!"
"How about that."
"And, what? You broke into it???"
"Of course not. I did The Shay Switcheroo. Remember when I borrowed your car for a pizza run? You handed me the keys to everything. I made copies. That's how it's done."
"The Shay Switcheroo. Fuck you Claire! You never could think for yourself!!!"
"I wrote a pretty good book. Well, everybody thinks you wrote a pretty good book. I'd say that took a lot of thought. I told you, Shay, I was playing the long game."
"So you wrote a bunch of shiiit, pretending to be me? And in this thing, you're what. The hero???"
"There's no hero in this story. It's just victims and villains."
"Fuck you!!!"
"All I ever asked you to do was keep your word. Remember the night we met? You said one year or one million dollars, whichever comes first."
"I LET YOU GO AFTER A YEAR!!!"
"I wasn't yours to 'let' go, and you had millions. You gave me a hundred grand. It's in the book."
"IT WAS MY IDEA!!! AND, And, and... and it's not like you didn't go along with it."
"I know what I did. I'm not innocent."
"That's right! You're NOT."
"But you didn't keep your word. That's all you had to do."
"Fuuuck YOU, Claire."
"My name's not Claire."
"I know that."
"Right, but, do you realize you never asked what my name is? My real name?"
"Your name's Amber."
"Girl, that was my street name."
"Would you have told me your real name?"
"Dandy, you never asked."
"Oh, and what's that supposed to be. A flex? Using my real name?"
"I know who you are. And I know what you are. You're a monster. It's in the book. You should read it."
"Fuck... YOU."
"Ooh, and hey, before I forget. I said I've got a joke. It's really good. Y'ready?"
"I don't wanna hear it."
"I think you do."
"WHAT."
"A thief and a prostitute walk into a bar."
"That's supposed to be funny?"
"That's not the joke."
"Then what's the fucking JOKE?"
"You thought the thief was you. Dandelion, I've had your seeds for a long time. All the wallets. All the Bitcoin. I got everything. Remember when we met? You said you're the magic, I'm the trick. It was a shitty thing to say, but you were right. I'm the trick that tricked the magic, and you don't even know who I am. That, right there? That's the ultimate magic trick."
"YOU?!?!?!?!?"
"Girl, you got Shayed."
"I AM SHAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!"
"And I'm a ghost."
"CLAAAAAIIIRRRRREEE!!!!!!!???????"
[ click ]
That's how it's done.