He was the ultimate bagel.
— Not A Baker
"It's weird not spending so much time together," Claire said.
"I know, right?"
We were sitting on the floor, in my workshop, trying to make sense of the mess in my file cabinet.
"Why in the fuck did you just shove everything in The Meat Knower, Shay? It's a file cabinet. Why didn't you file anything?"
"I don't know."
"And why's everything in baggies?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"It wasn't. Sorry."
"Fuck you. Pour me another drink. And one for you, too. C'mon, Claire. You're at least one behind!" She was right though. Last night, she saw me plop two baggies with pictures and keys in the same drawer, but one was a mark and the other was a bagel. She said, if I was gonna be doing this long term, I needed a system. I cringed, so she offered to help.
I thought I had a system. Each baggie had keys, with pictures of the mark's driver's license and his Bitcoin seed words. It made sense when we were getting started. I could remember who's who by looking at the pictures. But by this point we had... I don't know... sixty sets of keys? Maybe seventy? Had to be more since there were bagels too, and they were all dumped in one drawer. What a mess.
"And why didn't you keep a list, for future reference?" Claire asked. "What if you ever want to look up an old job? You should keep track of some details, like why a guy was targeted, what you got, and if were there any issues."
"Jesus Christ, are you reading my mind? I was just looking at this one, thinking, 'Why wasn't he a mark?'"
"Show me the picture? ...Oh, that's Elliot. He was nice. A little sad though. I think he was going through a divorce or something. He didn't have Bitcoin, but one of his students did."
"Oh, yeah..."
Then we both shouted, "LANCE!" and had a good laugh. What a tool that guy was. I heard him talking to Claire about how to survive a financial apocalypse, like it was coming any day now.
Then again, his day did come. She got him in the hot tub. I got his coins. And he got proven right, though not how he expected, when I wiped him the fuck out. He had an unequivocally unrelated heart attack shortly thereafter. I never told Claire. Rest in peace. I digress.
Despite our differences, Claire and I made a good team. By this point, we'd been together ten months, and they'd flown by so fast. Our original deal was to do this for a year. I knew she wouldn't stick around longer than that, and she knew I'd keep going.
I already had Beanie as the new me, going into the homes. Soon, I'd need a new Claire, to reel in marks.
Claire and I had different goals. Different intentions.
I was on a mission. She was just looking for a fresh start.
To be honest, I was still figuring out what my mission was.
Deep in the pit of my stomach, I've always had a feeling of doubt. Not self-doubt. More like an acknowledgement of the doubts of the world being thrown at me, from all sides. "Oh, she's a girl. Oh, she's poor. Oh, she's nothing." Oh, fuck that.
Wanting more wasn't about what I needed. It was about what I needed to prove, even if only for myself, to prove the world wrong, even if the world never knew.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Shay. What are you doing?"
"I'm filing Jayden."
"You're putting him in the Yes drawer. He's a no. Jay was the bagel who sold a hundred Bitcoin back in 2013 to buy a truck, which he wrecked."
"Oh, right. He's a whoa no."
"More like an oof."
We really were good together. I'm great at coming up with plans, but Claire is better at the details. She pays attention to everything. Hell, she's the reason I started saving this stuff. I was going to toss everything a job was done. Why save it? She told me to play the long game. She said, "If they don't realize how they got got, they'll start again. And they'll double-down on their online security without realizing that wasn't their mistake, so they'll be easy to get again." That was brilliant. I already got one of these guys twice. Dumbass even started sending Bitcoin to the same wallet I robbed. Wow.
"Bryce Fillmore?" Claire said with a grin, "Get in the bagel drawer."
"Bagel bagel bagel. God damn. Even his name sounds like a bagel."
"With cream cheese. He was cheesy as hell."
"Sleazy, too. How do parents not know they're raising a guy like that? Somebody needs to tell 'em, 'NAME HIM LIKE A BAGEL AND YOU'LL BE RAISING A BAGEL!!!'"
"His name's not why he's a bagel, Shay."
"I know. But it didn't help."
Bryce had a gambling problem, and he needed help, which is an odd thing for me to say, since I tried to rob him. When he was on a 'date' with Claire, his credit card got declined. We should have bageled him there and then, but you never know, so we took a shot anyway.
"Shay, what the fuck!? Andre's in here? I thought he was just a test run, for me."
"C'mon, Claire. He was a test run for me, too."
"Oh."
Oh, come on! The same way some guys will try to fuck anything that moves, I'll try to rob any guy who doesn't. Surely Claire knows that by now.
"You hit his house didn't you."
"CLAIRE!!!"
There was an awkward silence before we both burst out laughing again, because of course I did.
"Did you find anything good?" she asked.
"You're drinkin' it!!!"
I'd been saving this bottle for a while, but it didn't belong to Andre. We were drinking Doug's scotch. I know, snatching something from a mark's home goes against my Leave No Trace motto, but Doug was an exception. And he wasn't really a mark. He was something else. That was personal.
"This isn't Andre's hooch," Claire said. "He'd drink trash. Fess up. Whose is it?"
"I stole it from another bagel. He was the ultimate bagel. Before you and I met."
"You've been hanging on to this for a while then."
"More like, I needed the right time to let it go."
"And this is the right time, because...?"
"Well, one reason is, I'm gonna return the bottle, filled with something else."
"Please say dyed water."
"Dyed water."
"Good."
"And antifreeze."
"Shay, that's not OK. I mean, I know we're no saints, but that's..."
"What if he's freezing, Claire? You don't know!"
"SHAY!!!"
"Relax. It's a joke. You know my sense of humor is dark."
"Sorry. It's just... that's the kinda thing you shouldn't even joke about."
"No worries."
"Alright."
"Hey, I need to use the little girl's room. Be right back."
I also needed to rethink the antifreeze.
I also needed to hide the antifreeze.