Well, well.
Look what the cat dragged in.
-- Joelle
I woke up startled the next morning. I was staring at a ceiling, with no idea where I was or even who I was. I mean, yeah, I knew I was me. But where was I and which me was I? Which name? Phoebe? Shay? Hellen? To Hell with that.
It all came back to me with a rush of regret as I looked around the room.
"Oh God. Oh no."
Oh yes.
"I'm Dandy again."
And hung over.
And in the corner, past the dining room, along the far side of the den, there was a large bookshelf. I'd seen it before. Many times. It wasn't filled with books. No. This monstrosity held row after row of little decorative plates, just as it had many years ago, when I started breaking in to steal them.
Linda was gone, but the plates lived on.
I looked through the kitchen cabinets to see if there was a spare Singapore or Oslo, and sure enough, there was. I swapped it with the Chicago plate she'd bought to replace the one I stole, because of course she'd replaced it, and of course I was finally stealing the new one.
The new one, which was what, six years old by this point? I was stealing those things back when I was fifteen.
Fuck it. Mine. For old time's sake.
Linda's fridge was empty, of course, but the bathroom was well stocked. There was a clean towel, folded on the hamper, a soap dispenser by the sink, and a bottle of shampoo in the shower. There was even a new toothbrush, still in the box, and a little hotel-sized tube of toothpaste. This "Georgie" person seemed to have domesticated Billy. He looked the same, but clearly, he was not. He was a better man? Can men become that?
I tried to imagine the Billy I'd seen banging a waitress in his office raising a kid, and I couldn't do it. Then again, I couldn't imagine that Billy laying out fresh towels and toiletries for guests at a grandma house, but here I was, with those items laid out before me.
Oh. My. God.
I took a shower and then wandered aimlessly through town while I waited for the Brass Buckle to open.
Everything looked exactly as I remembered it, yet not. In the morning light, the town looked almost... cute? Homey? Even lovely? Maybe. Except for the parts that were falling apart, but I was in no condition to judge something like that.
As soon as the Buckle opened, I headed in to drop off Linda's keys.
"Is Joe here?"
A girl's voice boomed out from behind the bar.
"Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. Hello, Dandy."
"Do I know you?"
"You should."
"...Because?"
"Because we went to school together for twelve years. Thirteen, including kindergarten. You don't recognize me? I usually sat two rows behind you."
"Joelle Effin?"
"EFFARD."
"Right! Sorry."
"Billy left a note saying you'd be dropping off Linda's keys. There's no food at the house, so I'm guessing you need breakfast too. The menu's changed a bit since you worked here. We got a new cook. But I can get you something else if you want. I had an omelet a few minutes ago."
"A BLT would be great. And coffee. Blacker than black."
"Got it."
Joelle Effin. EFFARD. Gah. She's probably the only girl from school I didn't try to crash with. People said we were alike, but I never saw it. Physically? Maybe. We're both short, but she's kinda dumpy and she lacked an inner darkness or depth. Everybody liked her, mostly because there was nothing about her to dislike. I called her Effin' because she was easy. I was a challenge.
Not like that!!!
Although I may have implied that.
"So, what the fuck are you doing here, Dandy?"
"Wow, Jo."
"Hey, last I saw you, you were heading out of town in a blaze of glory or something."
"No glory. Just a blaze."
"What brought you back?"
"I'm not back."
Jo reached across the bar and slapped my shoulder.
"Owww. The fuck!? What was that for?"
"That's for lying. You're sitting right in front of me. You're back. Why?"
"Do I need a reason?"
"Be that way."
"OK, Fine. I don't know. Let's just say I had a bad day, yesterday. I went for a drive. And before I knew it, I was here."
"Come on."
"What?"
"That's a lie."
"No, it's not!"
"Dandy, you're either lying to me or you're lying to yourself. You're sitting at the bar even though every table's open. Are you running from something, or looking for something? It's one or the other, and you wanna talk. Well, I got maybe twenty minutes before folks start showing up for lunch, so... get to it."
I hate bartenders. Always have. Always will. They know too much.
"OK, so. Do you think we look the same?"
"You wiggin' out?"
"Huh?"
"Are you losing your shit, girl?"
"Just answer the damn question, Jo."
"Do we look alike? I suppose. Kinda. Not that it matters."
"Remember Mrs. Schrader, from school? One day, she came up behind me, thinking I was you. When I turned around, she looked disappointed."
"Are you talking about third grade?"
"Yeah."
"Same thing happened to me in high school once."
"The disappointed look, too?"
"Well... no."
"Ah-ha."
"What the fuck are you looking for, Dandy?"
"I'm looking for my fucking sandwich."
"Be that way. HEY, FINN! IS THAT BLT UP?"
A slender man came through the door behind the far side of the bar, with a white towel draped over his arm, and a plate with my sandwich. I recognized him immediately, even though I'd only met him once, five years ago.
"Finn???"
"Here ya' go. Hey, I know you. Graham Crackers, right? On a CSX?"
"Fig Newtons. I think it was a Norfolk Southern. We met on a train to Gary, four years ago. You still catching out?"
The lines on his face said the years had been hard, but the sparkle in his eyes said things were better now.
"Naw. I took a break a while back."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I had a few bucks in my pocket and it was rainin' somethin' awful, so I came in here for a sandwich. It wuddn't bad, but I told Billy I could do better. He gave me an apron an' said, "Prove it." Gave me a job. That was, oh, two years back, last spring. Billy's a good man, and what you got there is a good sandwich, I tell you what."
I took a bite, mostly to humor him, but he wasn't kidding. It was better than a BLT from a bar had any right to be.
"What the fuck? This is delicious."
"Crisp up the bacon almos' too much, but not. An' put a lil' miso in the mayo. Tha's it."
"Wow."
"Hey, it's real good seein' ya. I gotta get back to it in the kitchen. I got a brisket goin'. You take care now."
"Hang on. When we met, you said 'Where is for folks who got someplace to be,' so what are you doing here?"
"Yeah, that sound like me. Guess I got a place to be now. Folks treatin' me like family here, and feedin' everybody feels good. Feed the body, feed the soul. Tha's what a home is, y'know? What could be better? I am truly blessed."
I took another bite of the sandwich and was stunned. Is there such a thing as gourmet bar food? How could the sauce really make that much of a difference?
"Jo. The Buckle serves brisket???"
"Yeah, Finn's really something."
After lunch, I wandered through town again before heading back to Gary. Everything looked the same, but somehow, nothing was.
Except me.